< ...I just don't belong here. >

every so often I feel like a little girl again. I don't feel like I can overcome any challenge and I just don't feel the way I want to feel. I don't have control anymore. I just want to cuddle up in a hole and smother myself in snow. Really Really cold snow that bonds to the inside of my nose as hurts and I sniffle and cry.

I feel broken and hurt. I criticize and analyis. I can't reach out and noone tries to reach in. What if I'm a lost cause for something that's supposed to be human? I knew I didn't fit in here. I really hurt inside. My walls ache. I need to be loved again, really and truly loved again. I hurt because I'm scared, shaking like crazy on the inside and trying to act so cool on the outside. I'm scared to be me again. I'm scared to just be again. I shudder to think of myself. I shouldn't feel this damn bad. I shouldn't hurt this much. I shouldn't care this hard. I shouldn't even be here anymore.

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